It's been awhile but I'm back. A lot has happened and yet nothing has happened! :-(
It turned out that our agency did send in our homestudy on the 3 boys - but the homestudy that was only approved to adopt 2 children - thus we weren't qualified!! I was sooo angry!
Since that time we also sent in our homestudy on a sibling set of 2 children. T is 3 years old and has arthrogyposis. A is 2 years old and has myofibromatosis. Our doctor says both of them would be too much for us to handle - that both would be too much for anyone to handle! But the agency wants to keep them together. The foster parents of the girl want to adopt but don't really want both. We did send our homestudy and ask to be considered. But the foster parents of the girl changed their mind and decided to take the little boy as well.
However we have been contacted by our state about a sibling group of 4 that MAY be available for adoption. It would be a foster placement at this time and see where it goes from there. This time they must be a little bit serious as they have scheduled us to meet them about mid-month!! Of course, being a foster placement, I can't say much at all about them. I can say there are 3 girls and 1 boy - ages 2 years, 3 yr. old twins, and 5 years. Sounds about perfect but I'm trying not to get my hopes up until we actually have them here!! We are in the process of renewing our license and, at the same time, upping our approval to 4 kids. Seems to be going very well so far.
W is doing better in his therapy. I do think the EMDR helped quite a bit. We are doing EMDR and regular therapy during April through October and just regular therapy during the cold months - since it's quite a long drive to the EMDR therapy. We still have a long way to go, but he is noticably progressing. :-)
Most people we talk to are being very supportive and sweet. They all say they wouldn't want to take in so many kids, but are happy for us. There are a few who express concern over Dad's age and we are happy to discuss it with them - that we have considered this carefully and taken all steps we can to prepare for any future. But we do feel this is the road the Lord is leading us to. However, there are a few who won't say anything to our face - but bash us behind our back. I do really hate that type of people!! They don't seem to be really concerned - just want to tear down other people. They do this with all people - seeming to think it makes them better to tear others down. I know I should just ignore this type of behavior as it tells more about them than me - but it does get under my skin!!
So please wish us luck and "stay tuned" to see how this all works out! :-)
Showing posts with label EMDR. Show all posts
Showing posts with label EMDR. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Monday, April 5, 2010
Background
Dad and I have always thought about adopting. I grew up reading books like Edgar Allen and books about adoptive familes (usually the really large familes!). Dad had always thought about adoption but back then a single man adopting was preposterous. After getting married we didn't really discuss it because we both thought adoption was too expensive to consider.
We raised our family and raised a grandson to age 6 (so his mom could get through high school and college). When it looked like we were going to have an "empty nest", we knew we were ready to get serious about adopting. After a lot of research, we decided our best bet would be international adoption. We looked at a lot of online available children and our Chinese son "reached out" to us. T was 4 years old when we first saw his photo. It took us a little over a year to bring him home but it was all worth it. We were a bit worried at first since T had lived in an orphanage since he was about 1 day old - but T bonded with us very quickly and has been a real joy ever since. We wanted to go back to China but they changed their rules and Dad became "too old" to adopt again.
We were so happy and, after about a year, we started looking for another little boy to share our joy with. We saw W's photo about a month after he was given up for adoption. We were told he was extremely malnourished - to the point he had to be given blood transfusions for his anemia. W's hair was very dry looking and a light brown, his teeth were stained, and he had a protruding stomach - all signs of malnutrition. W was 5 years old when we accepted referral. After 16 months, we traveled to Guatemala to pick up our new son. We were aware before we ever left Guatemala that W had some issues, but we were hoping it was just adjustment. However it soon became obvious that he had attachment issues. W is very passive aggressive. He would agree to our rules but, as soon as we turned our backs, he would do whatever he wanted. He teased T constantly to the point that T sometimes went into a full blown tantrum. Most of W's trouble was with Dad - he would mind everyone else fairly well but he was openly defiant and disobedient to Dad if they were alone together. Dad is the full time caregiver in our family since he is retired, while I work outside the home.
After a year we knew we had to get help or disrupt the adoption. We started seeing a therapist that specializes in attachment issues. While W has improved some, it will be a long and slow road for him. He also cycles - has days or weeks where he is pretty well behaved and then days or weeks where he is constantly testing and provoking. W has been seeing the therapist for over a year now. He is better in some areas but is getting worse in other areas. We are now starting a new therapy called EMDR (along with the regular therapy). We will be having our first real session in about a week.
Over the past 2 years, W has beat on our hardwood floor with a hammer, tried to break the windows with rocks, locked Dad out of the pickup in town, locked Dad and M out of the house, threatened to run away numerous times, beat T up, threw a large ottoman at Dad, twisted a boy's arm behind his back until he cried on the school bus, picked a fight with a girl and her older brother on the bus, locked himself in the bathroom, kicked P when he tried to get him to mind, and much more - mostly when he doesn't get his way with something. His biggest problem seems to come with watching TV. He watches TV constantly and will throw a fit if anyone tries to change the channel. He has broken the video game by throwing the controller on the floor hard enough to shatter it, when he was told his time was up. He also steals (especially candy) and is a very accomplished liar.
We do worry what will happen when W becomes a teen if he doesn't improve his behavior. We also worry a lot about his influence on T. We have noticed T starting to "mimic" some of W's behaviors - especially the sneaking around to get things we have told them they can't have. We are really hoping this new therapy will help us all.
We raised our family and raised a grandson to age 6 (so his mom could get through high school and college). When it looked like we were going to have an "empty nest", we knew we were ready to get serious about adopting. After a lot of research, we decided our best bet would be international adoption. We looked at a lot of online available children and our Chinese son "reached out" to us. T was 4 years old when we first saw his photo. It took us a little over a year to bring him home but it was all worth it. We were a bit worried at first since T had lived in an orphanage since he was about 1 day old - but T bonded with us very quickly and has been a real joy ever since. We wanted to go back to China but they changed their rules and Dad became "too old" to adopt again.
We were so happy and, after about a year, we started looking for another little boy to share our joy with. We saw W's photo about a month after he was given up for adoption. We were told he was extremely malnourished - to the point he had to be given blood transfusions for his anemia. W's hair was very dry looking and a light brown, his teeth were stained, and he had a protruding stomach - all signs of malnutrition. W was 5 years old when we accepted referral. After 16 months, we traveled to Guatemala to pick up our new son. We were aware before we ever left Guatemala that W had some issues, but we were hoping it was just adjustment. However it soon became obvious that he had attachment issues. W is very passive aggressive. He would agree to our rules but, as soon as we turned our backs, he would do whatever he wanted. He teased T constantly to the point that T sometimes went into a full blown tantrum. Most of W's trouble was with Dad - he would mind everyone else fairly well but he was openly defiant and disobedient to Dad if they were alone together. Dad is the full time caregiver in our family since he is retired, while I work outside the home.
After a year we knew we had to get help or disrupt the adoption. We started seeing a therapist that specializes in attachment issues. While W has improved some, it will be a long and slow road for him. He also cycles - has days or weeks where he is pretty well behaved and then days or weeks where he is constantly testing and provoking. W has been seeing the therapist for over a year now. He is better in some areas but is getting worse in other areas. We are now starting a new therapy called EMDR (along with the regular therapy). We will be having our first real session in about a week.
Over the past 2 years, W has beat on our hardwood floor with a hammer, tried to break the windows with rocks, locked Dad out of the pickup in town, locked Dad and M out of the house, threatened to run away numerous times, beat T up, threw a large ottoman at Dad, twisted a boy's arm behind his back until he cried on the school bus, picked a fight with a girl and her older brother on the bus, locked himself in the bathroom, kicked P when he tried to get him to mind, and much more - mostly when he doesn't get his way with something. His biggest problem seems to come with watching TV. He watches TV constantly and will throw a fit if anyone tries to change the channel. He has broken the video game by throwing the controller on the floor hard enough to shatter it, when he was told his time was up. He also steals (especially candy) and is a very accomplished liar.
We do worry what will happen when W becomes a teen if he doesn't improve his behavior. We also worry a lot about his influence on T. We have noticed T starting to "mimic" some of W's behaviors - especially the sneaking around to get things we have told them they can't have. We are really hoping this new therapy will help us all.
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